July -- Took on Goliath and won

August -- Attended NDP Convention

September -- Started new (permanent!) job

October -- Socialized non-stop

November -- Tripleshot in the T.Dot created

December -- Group trip to Cuba

I was wandering around the UofT campus on my lunch hour yesterday, and stumbled upon a bunch of graduates getting ready to convocate at 2:00. Passed by Massey and Trinity College, gravestones of time past. Memories flooded my head, both the good, the bad, and the ugly. Three years! I can't believe it's been that long. It was a difficult time in my life when I graduated -- limited prospects, personal issues, at war with parents, financial problems. I felt like I was slipping under, suffocating, no one to pull me out. But at the same time, there was also that glitter of promise, the newness, prospect of change and hope. But I pulled myself out, I guess...survived. Now I face a whole new set of challenges. I just hope I can make it through. I'm putting everything my hopes into Thursday, let's hope this will be the One. Otherwise, I'm going to be stuck a whole lot longer. Enough to make me flee to Northern Ontario, my sanctuary, my place of rebirth.

Speaking of Northern Ontario, I saw the Hangover last week, and while it made me laugh my ass off, it also made me mournfully miss my friend Elaine. There are few people in this world who "get" me, and she was one of them. A lot of the time, I relate to the idea of the lonely crowd...that most people don't share my sense of humour, or my idea of fun. I miss her, and our adventures together.


How did I get here?

-Bathed in the warm waters of the Blue Lagoon in Iceland
-Stood btw the Eurasian & North American tectonic plates
-Screamed out loud with surprise at the first eruption of a geysir
-Visited a sunken ship from the 17th century
-Spent an afternoon with the lost souls (and skeletons) of the sunken ship
-Saw all kinds of relics from the Viking Age
-Fell in love...with Copenhagen
-Lusted after Danish men (they are uber HOT)
-Ate at a super weird restaurant in Copenhagen with decor that reminded me of a cross between the Phantom of the Opera & the Spaghetti Factory, but with a theme that involved cowboys resembling Brandon Flowers from the Killers, Native Americans, and escorts.
-Set eyes on the Baltic sea for the first time
-Rode on numerous boats
-Smiled with glee at a government building in Copenhagen in which every office has a view of the river, because the architect believed that all workers are equal and deserve a beautiful view
-Tour palaces, saw crown jewels
-Got lost...then found again

In 25 days, I'll be backpacking in Iceland, Denmark, and Sweden!! Whooo-hoo!

In the meantime, I'll have to endure work-hell.

There is a change coming I think in the lives of girls and women. Yes. But it is up to us to make it come. All women have had up until now has been their connection with men. All we have had. No more lives of our own, really, than domestic animals.

-Lives of Girls & Women, Alice Munro

As usual, I've neglected this blog. Now that I'm not in "the North" anymore, I might retire from this site altogether.

Regardless, I'm in Toronto, and reeling from a bit from culture shock. Specifically, it is a very corporate environment at my new job - as opposed to the highly social, casual atmosphere at my former position. Also, this position isn't taking me in the right direction. Although it pays well, I don't wake up excited to go to work (believe it or not, there were some days in Northwest Ontario where I'd jump out of bed, excited to go to work). So I'm now job-hunting...already.

Aside from that, I'm LOVING living in the St. Lawrence Market. It still hasn't sunk in that I OWN this apartment!! I love this area. I went to the Market today, got fresh fish, deli meat, salad, bagels. Grabbed a hot chocolate, sat in a big comfy chair and people-watched. It's awesome. This may not seem like a big deal for Torontonians, but in Fort Frances, there were NO coffee shops. There was Tim Horton's and a Starbucks in the Safeway (grocery store). But there was nowhere to go post-work, relax, and people-watch. And walking outside was not always pleasant due to the constant odour of rotting eggs from the Mill. These are the luxuries that I've truly missed!

I've also joined the YMCA, and I'm back into the boxing!

I'm busy decorating my new place. I'm going to re-do the floors with hardwood, which will increase the value and make it look nicer. I loathe rug.

Other than that, I've mostly been spending time alone. Most of my Toronto friends are busy - either with PhD's or full-time jobs. It's hard to reconnect with people after being away for a few years...everyone has changed, including me. It's ok, I enjoy my own company. But I'm definitely missing Elaine and the T.W.'s from up north. They just can't be replaced.

OK, I've practically waited for this my entire life - I've bought a home! Well, actually, it's more of a couple of rooms considering its size. But the point is, I'm not paying rent anymore! Whoo-hoo!

It's a (very small) one-bedroom apartment with a balcony in the St. Lawrence Market (King & Jarvis). The building is fairly new (4 yrs old), and has a roof-top garden with BBQ facilities. I'm also thrilled that the apartment has a washer/dryer, so I no longer have to lug laundry outside in the middle of winter, as well as a dishwasher (I HATE washing dishes more than any chore).

I'm so proud to be the first female in my mum's side to buy property on her own!!! I mean, property rights for women were something that feminists fought for in the 19th- and 20th-centuries. And although we have these rights now, the patriarchal structure of society makes it much harder for women to acquire their own property. E.g. women are more likely to be lower paid (70 cents for every dollar a man makes), and in part-time & contract jobs (banks won't touch that for mortgages).

Anyway, the point is - this is a big step for me, and I'm so excited!

I'm in Regina, after a lengthy drive across the prairies. I saw a moose, a rabbit, a deer, a wolf, a deer's head, and a headless deer on the way. Good times!

Tomorrow: Drumheller, Alberta. The dinosaur capital of the world!

It’s in the air. With the dawn of autumn, the talk of the town turns to back to school.

Endless commercials depict parents purchasing pens, paper, cell phones, and laptops for their kids. An article about parents of first-year university students learning was recently published in the newspaper (http://parentcentral.ca/parent/article/481604.)  It detailed parental interest in their kids’ pursuit of dreams – from moving into residence, choosing majors, to sending “care packages” and birthday cakes during exams.

Of course, this makes me think about my own university experience. As well how there is a group of students whose experiences have been completely missed by media attention. Because we’ve neglected to talk about one of the most important thing of all that impacts experience.

Class.

Oh yes, there are students (or aspiring students) who do not have affluent parents who can afford to purchase laptops, pay their tuition and rent, and every now and then, slip a $50 to their kid. There are some people who cannot afford to even attend school, or who gradually accumulate thousands of dollars of debt.
I was one of those kids.

Reading the Star’s article combined with reminiscing on my own experiences, I still feel it – the class difference.   And what I remember most about university was the following – sweat and tears.

The sweat part started the first day of university. And I mean literally, sweat. 

I was the first person in my family to attend university – the first girl on my dad’s side of the family. My “decision” to get an education was not met with the same enthusiasm as with the parents often detailed in newspaper articles. While my mother actively encouraged me to learn, my dad didn’t necessarily see the merit in the Arts & Science degree in which I had enrolled. It would have been more practical to follow in his footsteps – to go into a trades program, and start earning money right away. Because that’s the point of education, right?

So right away, I had different ideas about what the goals of a university education are from my parents. So there would be no “help” from my dad – after all, it was my decision to go to school, the same way it might be my decision to take up a drug habit or buy a car. I had to finance my tuition, and any other expenses to go with it.

Anyway, back to the sweat part – it began the first day, unexpectedly, when I had to commute from Suburbia to the UofT campus (because obviously, I couldn’t afford to live in res). Running up and down those subway steps, GO train steps, and from class to class sure gave me a workout. I sweated while I stood in an endless line for books – the heat projected from crowds in the (many!) bookstores I visited seemed worse than a mosh pit.  Waiting in more lines to get my student ID's for the GO Transit - which involved going to a million different buildings.

Perhaps some of the more privileged students can relate to this sweat. But I doubt they ever had to experience the sweat associate with meeting with the Financial Aid office. Nothing can be more humiliating, anxiety-producing, and stressful all at once (except maybe the final exam for Marty Wall’s Psych 101 class).  Every little expense was considered.

“Why do you take the GO train and the TTC?” Look on a map, buddy.  Do you see where Pickering is located?

“$100/month on medical expenses and toiletries?! What are you buying? This seems too high.” I guess it never occurred to the smart-suited financial aid officer that shampoo, tampons, contraceptives, pads, and medicated cream for eczema are not cheap or handed out like Halloween candy every month.

“You must work in order to qualify for this bursary.” Okay, this makes sense at first.  But at second glance, it really reveals an inequality in the system.  This means that more privileged students get extra time to study or leisure, since they don’t have to spend about 10 hours a week at low-paid job. Or, as at my college – Trinity College – a lot of students spent this “extra” time getting drunk, stealing and destroying expensive hot dog carts, holding “secret” meetings in which they bashed other students, and getting arrested. Meanwhile, I was expected to show that I’m responsible by working at a demeaning job.

Speaking of which, there was more sweat – and tears – when trying to juggle university and work. Trying to make my work schedule accommodate school demands was an ongoing battle. In one case, I lost this battle completed, and had to take four-months of stress leave. It was like trying to serve two masters, both of which were unreasonable, self-centred, and inflexible.

Now on to the tears. Like every first-year student, I spent the first term crying over the loss of my Greatness. After the first set of exams and assignments were returned, my ego was totally destroyed. Once the star student throughout elementary and high school, suddenly I was “just a number” with a C average. No more pats on the head from my adoring teachers in high school.  Gone were the days of being publicly recognized as an aspiring scholar. 

One particular time, I sat crying at the kitchen table, trying to figure out what to write for a paper that was due in less than twelve hours.

“You know, it’s not supposed to be like this,” she said gently. “Honey ,maybe you aren’t cut out for this.”

I love my mum. She was only trying to make me feel better. But her words are burned into my brain to this day, because this illusrates the inequality that we – non-privileged students – face with our parents. While they love us and support us through triumphs and terror, they don’t really understand the whole university experience unless they have gone through it. And for me, that was a fucking scaring reality. My mother used to be able to help me with anything – she gave me guidance, direction. All of a sudden, I was completely clueless, and I didn’t have anyone to tell me that this was normal!

All of this sounds really drab and depressing. In truth, my university years were the best years of my life. But thinking back, class was a huge determinant in my university experience. It wasn’t until I scraped together some money to move into residence in my fourth year that I had a real campus experience. I met friends, joined clubs, used the libraries more often, got more sleep, and felt balanced. Less sweat, fewer tears.

I suppose when I read articles like the one in the Star, I feel a bit bitter. Because there are still the haves and the have nots. I’d love to see a system in which no one is denied the university or college experience – which is more about the pursuit of identity, knowledge, and dreams than anything else. I don’t think it’s for everyone, but it shouldn’t be decided for them whether they can attend or not. So I hope someday the media does a story on what it’s like for us non-privileged students who don’t get everything paid for, who have to go to jobs in order to learn, and who have double the anxiety and less the fun. 

Yes, it's true...I'm leaving Northern Ontario and returning to Toronto...permanently! I've accepted Policy Analyst position with the Ontario Government, which starts the last week of September.

Natch, I have mixed feelings about leaving, but I really think this is the right decision for me. I've been missing Toronto A LOT for about 6 months now, and I need to be closer to my family. Also, I think I've reached a plateau with my job, and I need a new challenge.

However, I'm going to miss a lot of things about Northern Ontario, such as:

1. Best Friends Forever. I don't know how I'm going to live without my best friends here.

2. Fun working environment. No one will be foiling my office in Toronto like they did in Fort!! Also, people working in Toronto don't get paid to spend three days at a beautiful resort on Lake of the Woods.

3. Living on the lake. So beautiful during the summer. I have my own beach and dock.

4. Eating elk. Very hard to get in Toronto, and expensive.

5. Legion nights.

6. My own office with a door. Back to cubicle city!

7. Short commute, no traffic. The idea of taking the GO train every morning and night makes me want to hurl!

8. Higher costs of living

I think it's going to be extremely difficult for me to return to the city and get used to the more formal working environment.

But I will NOT miss the following:

-rotten smell of the Mill
-absolutely NO SHOPPING
-very high gas prices
-almost hitting a moose/bear/deer/rabbit/bird/cougar/kitten/Sasquatch with my car.
-no bathrooms on long stretches of highway
-similarly, the sight of a trucker taking a dump at the side of the road because there are no bathrooms on long stretches of highway!
-horribly cold winters (-40 to -52)
-plugging in the damn car, and praying that it starts the next morning
-ice roads (driving on the lake in the winter)

Well, here's to the two and half years I've spent here. Perhaps I should close down this blog now...we'll see.